Giving up the fags

As anybody who knows me will tell you the title is a complete lie. It has been said
that the only way to get a nicotine patch to work on me would be to stick it over my
mouth.

This of course means that when my euro millions ticket comes up and I decide to
donate a large sum to charity, I will have to ignore the lung cancer charities, they
surely couldn’t possibly accept a donation from a smoker. Sounds like nonsense to
me. However three breast cancer charities in a row have turned down what would be a
minimum five thousand Euros because the charitable donator is a topless model.

Admittedly I don’t have breasts, so perhaps I am missing the point, are people
that easy to offend? Does this mean that the Irish Heart Foundation should turn down
any HSE funding just because Mary Harney is health minister?

Aware, of course, would have to turn down any donation from Nicolas Sarkozy, he
has most definitely lost the plot. A second referendum on the Lisbon treaty would be
like colonic irrigation, pump us full of crap and get the same shit back.

The different factions in the Lisbon treaty campaign have been given an audience
with the great Sarkozy, and in a move of generosity each have been given three
minutes to talk to him. Three minutes, politicians couldn’t tell you what they had
for breakfast in three minutes, let alone explain their stance on a document which
is more complicated than the Da Vinci code.

I have tried it, not the Da Vinci code, speaking for three minutes. You can just
about say Lisbon referendum and that’s about it. If you include the now famous
politician stutter I’m not sure if half of them will even get that out.

That aside what Sarkozy and his EU buddies seem to have forgotten, is that
democratically the treaty is dead, it is an ex treaty, it’s lying at the bottom of
its cage not moving. It is not just resting, this isn’t a Monty Python sketch,
farce, yes, comedy, no.

That of course leads nicely to ‘The Life of Brian’, but all that has done is to
give me an awful mental picture of Brian Cowan, throwing open the curtains stark
naked, to find his garden full of campaigners, with Sarkozy in the background
shouting, ‘he’s not the Taoiseach, he’s a very naughty boy!’

That is such a horrible mental picture that there is only one thing I can do,
have a fag, maybe tomorrow!