A lesson in belt tightening

So we are heading for a recession, oh no we’re not, oh yes we are, oh no we’re not,
oh for god’s sake can you make up your mind.

Nobody, it seems, can make up their mind. The government has stepped in with
their belt tightening measures, that basically means that we all put up with cuts
and they defer their pay rise, as if they needed one, for a bit.

You could wonder if they are really taking it seriously though, on the eve of
cuts, Micheál Martin announced the posting of a tender for consultants to research
what went wrong in the Lisbon vote. Are they insane? So our hard earned taxes are to
go to high paid consultants, to tell the government where they went wrong?

In the absence of any leadership from the government, there are a few things that
we can do to ease our way through.

Firstly, the next time you are heading to the shops, set your Sat Nav for your
nearest Aldi. Admittedly their car parks are a bit tight for your average 4 x 4, but
with a bit of manoeuvring, you’ll get it in there, though if there is a nearby
Dunnes you could always park there and walk across the road, saves a lot of bother
and embarrassment.

A word of warning, when you take your trolley, laden with cut price Foie Gras, to
the checkout you may have to queue with some foreign nationals. This can be a
problem when you find your cleaner ahead of you and your gardener behind. Explaining
that the trolley of truffles and Champaign are for your charity work with the Simon
Project, should neatly extradite you from a potentially life changing disaster.

Do bring bags with you, not for any environmental reason, but you need to protect
yourself from the walk of shame back across to the Dunnes car park, carrying all too
conspicuously emblazoned baggage.

By doing your shopping there you can also make a start with the second cost
saving measure. Charity collectors never stand outside and Aldi.

Of course there will be times when not everything you need can be bought there;
you may have to brave the gauntlet that is the city centre. With a little practice
and planning it is possible to survive with your wallet intact.

The Scotsman in Ireland’s four step programme to chugger avoidance is as follows:

1. Awareness. If you know where the enemy is, by varying your walking pace as
appropriate, you can pass by while they are harassing someone else.

2. Props. By plugging your head into a music player you can pass safely all but the
most vicious of chuggers.

3. Planning. By knowing which chuggers are out there, you can recycle all of last
year’s badges, stickers, etc. This will save you from most, though different
chuggers taking up flanking positions can cause problems.

4. Subterfuge. Join the Guide Dogs for the Blind puppy walkers, they never get hit.

With these small changes in your life, it may be possible to weather the storm of
recession, and perhaps even our poor under paid politicians may not have to give up
that second holiday.