Alibi of the year award

Following on from last weeks bravery award, I am proud to announce the winner of the
Scotsman in Ireland Alibi of the Year Award, but first lets look at some that didn’t
quite make it.

Special commendation must be given to Bertie Ahern’s, ‘I didn’t receive a shit
load of money from anybody, I won it on the horses.’

Of course Brian Lenihan’s excuse for the economy being in the brown stuff, goes
along the lines of, it wasn’t me, it was some other incompetent before me. Perhaps
he should remember that the incompetent before him is now Taoiseach, bodes well for
the future, don’t you think?

I can only imagine, with the health service not actually being in the brown
stuff, but being saturated with it, that Mary Harney must be saying that it wasn’t
my fault, I didn’t notice anything, I was eating a bun at the time.

There can be no legitimate alibi given by Tesco’s or Dunne’s to explain why it
has taken till shoppers have started to move allegiance to the cut price retailers,
for them to start cutting prices in their stores, other than, ‘we were ripping the
piss, but now we’ve been caught!’

Radovan Karadzic, is sure to use the alibi that he couldn’t have committed
genocide as he was on tour with the Dubliners at the time, and definitely will be in
the running for next years award. He has though picked up third prize in the Santa
lookalike competition, he may have got first if he hadn’t insisted that a
Kalashnikov is a legitimate present.

A little known one, and of course a complete lie, is the excuse letter written to
Winston Churchill, by one Adolph Hitler, stating that it couldn’t have been him that
invaded France as he was too busy invading several other countries at the time.

But let us move on to the winner of this prestigious award. It must of course go
to Barry George with, 'I didn't kill Dando - I was stalking another woman'

Thankfully, it has come out due to an extreme miscarriage of justice being
overturned, though lets be honest it cannot be attributed the same status as the
Birmingham Six, the Maguire Seven, or the Guildford Four, but a miscarriage it most
definitely was, and a worthy winner of the award.

With all this in mind, and in the spirit of the public good, I have put together
a few unused alibis which you are free to use as the circumstance arises.

‘No dear, I didn’t sleep with that woman, I was with a prostitute.’ and ‘Of
course he’s your child, he just has a good tan.’