10 things that realy piss me off!

I know what you’re thinking, one is it possible for him to have a list only ten long, and two if so how anal will that ten be.

To answer those questions in order, yes I could have a top 100 things that piss me off without breaking a sweat, but all the typing would make my fingers hurt, and that really pisses me off, though it’s not in the top ten. As to how anal they will be, in short very.

Since it transpires that I have become some sort of techie I will continue in bullet points, if I can     re-find the button!

1. Fashionably trimmed facial hair. Now I sport a beard, well in truth it is supposed to be a number two cut, but let’s be honest that is true about one day a month, the rest of the time it’s your standard scraggly beard until I am told it’s too much and I get round to trimming it. Why is this, because I don’t tend to look in mirrors, they are the devils creation, and I’m lazy and scruffy. That’s what a beard is for, once you start fannying around with it and trimming it into strange shapes with bits missing, and bits longer than others, and bits pleated, and bits with ribbons in, you’re just going for fashion. And what you are doing is just pissing me off.
2. People who take 10 minutes to light a fag. It may have passed your notice, but I am a smoker, probably will be until I die, which being a smoker might not be that far down the road, but again a cigarette is a weapon of self-destruction, not a fashion symbol, if you’re not a smoker, don’t, either take the thing, light it, smoke it and throw it away, otherwise, you guessed it, you’re just going to piss me off and I could kill you quicker than cancer.
3.  Stupid handshakes and Irish people who say ‘Dude’. Do I really have to go any further, well if I must? I live in Cork, not Harlem, if I meet somebody I really don’t want them slapping my hand five times and the punching me on the fist, a good strong handshake will suffice, a hug or a kiss on the cheek is acceptable, but perhaps getting a bit French. Anything else is just ridiculous, and if you call me Dude, I will have to get Harlem on you because you will have just seriously pissed me off.
4. People who wear hats once a month. It has been mentioned, not sixteen lines hence, it was fifteen if you care to count, about my scruffyness, I where a hat all the time, well not at work or in bed. It’s not a fashion statement, hats aren’t meant to be, there basically to cover up the fact that you’re too scruffy to brush your hair. They don’t make you look cool or hip, they make you look like your trying to sell somebody a horse.
5. Not knowing if someone is overweight or pregnant. Sorry girls could you not just wear a badge or something, it really would save a lot of time and embarrassment. Well it saves my time trying to figure it out, and your embarrassment when I obviously am going to get it totally arse over fist.
6. Fat children wearing tracksuit. Let’s be honest I find tracksuit in general reprehensible. If you’re not on a field of play, or perhaps a track of some sort, don’t wear the bloody things. If you can’t run and you can’t fit a normal pair trousers just do what the builders do, which brings me quite nicely to number 7.
7. People who have their underwear showing above there trousers. Not quite the same as builders who usually have their breakfast showing above their trousers. Lads put a bloody belt on, I don’t care if their Calvin Kline (or whatever it is), or Giorgio Armani, (isn’t Wikipedia great). The whole culture of your trousers round your knees came about in prison where you were not allowed a belt, on the street it doesn’t make you look cool, it makes you look like a twat, and just in case I forgot to mention it, your pissing me off no end.
8. Women who wear high heels and have to walk like ducks. Sorry girls, it’s not a good look. The extra height might accentuate your legs when you are standing still, and only if you start off with legs. Unfortunately the second you move, which to be honest is ninety percent of the time you look like the aforementioned twat, just a female version, and while we are on the subject your pants on view above your trousers doesn’t say alluring either.
9. Wearing pyjamas outside. Are you insane, pyjamas are bed attire a bit like being naked, (unless your German), silky negligee (I’m told there’s such a thing), and onesies (spellchecker just went into overdrive). If you wear pyjamas to the shops you are obviously unemployed and not on the lookout for a job. It’s not big or smart and you are just putting my pissedofemometer into over drive.

 Yea I know that’s, only nine, basically because number ten is people who give out all the time about the things that piss them off. Oh god I hate myself. I know all ten have been very trivial and mostly on fashion, being the hip and trendy dude that I am, if they weren’t so trivial though they would have a blog all to themselves. So that was my first ten, I have a long list yet and I hope between us we can get to the magic hundred.