I promised myself that I wouldn’t do it, made a firm pact,
no way, no how, was I going to stoop so low as to sully these pages with
mention of ’50 shades of grey’, but there now I’ve done it so I might as well
continue, what a weak and shallow man I am.
Firstly, I haven’t seen the film, never will see the film,
never read the book and never will read the book, or I think it’s more commonly
known as fire lighters. So you are justified in asking what justifies me making
comment on it? Have you read my blog? This sort of shit is just par for the
course.
Secondly, I’m not actually giving out about the existence of
the film, I’m no film critic, Christ I like ‘Waterworld’, but I find the
thought that Women’s groups are objecting to it a bit farcical.
Now I apologise for my utter ignorance, but until I was
researching for this piece, (which you can tell is always thorough and mostly
involves Wikipedia), I always thought Women’s groups were called things like
‘The Spice Girl’s’, ‘The Bangles’, and ‘One Direction’. But no I couldn’t be
more wrong, we have the FSIAB group, I know you will have spotted it straight
away, but just in case, it stands for Fifty Shades Is Abuse. Call me jealous
but I actually wish that I had made that up.
Now I have actually been on the blog site, bloody bloggers,
linked with FSIAB, 50shadesisabuseblogring.wordpress.com, (there was a link on
Wikipedia). There is links to twenty one other blog posts, categorised, on the
evils of fifty shades. And I thought I was the only idiot taking the time to
write on this. I also don’t claim to have the best grammar in writing but I
wouldn’t mind finding out what a rape/rape culture means, don’t want to make
fun but that seems like an awful lot of rape in one sentence!
The first thing that strikes me is that it was women that
bought the book, made it famous and made it a success, so why are women getting
on their high horse about it. I can with almost complete certainty guarantee
you that of all the couples that went to see it on Valentine’s Day, none of them
went because it was the guys’ idea.
Now it seems that it glorifies BDSM, bondage, domination and
sado masochism, I don’t really fancy it, it sounds a bit like living in Knocknaheeny.
Though I have little to brag about, it seems that three women were arrested in
Glasgow, it would be Glasgow wouldn’t it, for hitting a guy with a bottle who
asked them to be quiet as they were ruining the film with their screaming. I
think the film was on the ruined side before they started screaming.
In a society where such outrage was caused by Ronan O’Gara’s
comment on the ‘Late Late Show’, and let’s be honest at worse it was just a
particularly poor joke, don’t worry Ronan I know all about those, that the
whole film wasn’t just banned or only available in sticky video booths in adult
stores. I haven’t actually been in a video booth in an adult store but I would
imagine them to be on the sticky side.
My big issue is that I don’t think media causes problems,
Childs Play didn’t cause the Jamie Bulger killing, sick human beings did that,
otherwise I would
have [DH1] to
wonder what sick frescos Genghis Khan was looking at just before he devastated
half of the known world and Adolph Hitler must have been watching a ‘Laurel and
Hardy’ movie that I’ve never seen just before he marched into Poland. But maybe
I’m wrong, since I just watched ‘Mission impossible’ and I have an irresistible
urge to swing from the county hall to, feck it there’s nowhere to land, why
don’t I live in New York?
I’m not one to make light of things, laugh if you want, feck
you, you don’t really know me, apart from the ones that do, and feck you too,
you know I don’t give a shit. ’50 shades of grey’ is a book, and then a film.
It’s not real life.
I am of course looking forward to the follow up, ‘Fifty
Shades Of Gay’ where we see Gay Byrne giving us a road safety documentary
wearing a gimp suit.
Fifty shades promotes abuse in the same way that
‘Braveheart’ promotes killing the English, or was that just a promotional
video. Or perhaps we can berate Schindler’s List as promoting the holocaust. Anyway
enough of that nonsense I’m off to stake out the local graveyard, the
documentary ‘The Walking Dead’ has me scared out of my wits. I’m just glad that
two thousand and twelve turned out to be a hoax!
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