Happy something day

Just to prove I’m not hard, jaded or just a complete bastard, I thought I would do a post on the most extolled day off, Saint Hallmark Day.

Sorry I meant to say ‘Saint Valentine’s Day’ or whatever it is.

Even the bloody Christians don’t know who saint valentine was and now we have a day for him.

Yes it has been stated that I am an atheist, so I might not be the best candidate to rule on this matter but I think having a holy day so that a greetings card company can make a squillion isn’t quite Christian, or maybe it is, they did create Christmas just around the busiest shopping time, or was it just a rehash of a pagan ceremony, I think the jury is out.

For once I’m actually not having a go at the church, no honestly, I don’t blame them for this one, I blame commercialisation, which is obviously the devils work and not within the remit of the baby Jesus.

I don’t want everybody thinking that I am devoid of romance, I too bought my beloved a present on that fateful day, it now hangs from the wall in our living room, and no it wasn’t handcuffs.

Yes I am an idiot, and this post is a bit late, but no, we now have Mothering Sunday, or mother’s day as we now know it, or not. Yep, Mothering Sunday is a Christian holy day, celebrated on the fourth Sunday in Lent, don’t talk to a Scotsman about Lent, sorry thought I’d typed lent! It celebrates the mother of the church, but funnily it is the saint’s day of Saint John Climacus, who is obviously was not a mother, but we will deal with gay adoption in a latter post.

So what’s next, father’s day, sibling’s day, even parents day, (surely that covers both, are they getting two bloody days). But all of these have days in America, I know we have a Father’s Day here, but stop it. There seems to be more ‘days’ than there are days in the year, and they seem to be another reason to buy somebody a card or a present for some made up bull.

But let’s be honest, none of this is what I am really talking about. Now I have in the last few weeks alienated other bloggers, wearers of track suits, all religions, Leo Veradcar, people who own dogs, water protesters, Ronan O’Gara and the majority of my friends and family. Let’s go for the full house.

Happy Saint bloody Patrick’s Day! Yes I’ve said it, at least now I’m not so worried about upsetting the Muslims.

Don’t worry I’m not even going to mention that Ireland’s most revered person, apart from Bertie Ahern, was Welsh, and why, I’m not adverse to a few cheap shots. Well it’s because nobody bloody has a clue, there is more chance that he was actually English, though according to ‘Catholic Online’ he was born just outside Dumbarton in Scotland, that makes him practically a Glaswegian, in which case he should be the patron saint of being drunk, smelling of whisky, and stabbing people, and that’s obviously not the case.

No what he seems to be is the patron saint of wearing stupid green hats, (his original vestments would have been blue), and vomiting in the street. Apart from the green hats perhaps the Glaswegian history is true.

Unfortunately he is also the patron saint of our politicians having a nice holiday paid by us. I will reproduce our ministers destinations last year, one, for the usual outrage, and two because I have just learned how to cut and paste, what buttons will I discover in the future?

North America

Chicago, Indiana, New York and Washington DC – Taoiseach Enda Kenny

Canada – Tánaiste and Minister for Foreign Affairs Eamon Gilmore

New York – Minister for Social Protection Joan Burton

West Coast USA – Minister for Jobs, Enterprise and Innovation Richard Bruton

Atlanta – Minister for Arts, Heritage and the Gaeltacht Jimmy Deenihan

Boston – Minister for Children and Youth Affairs, Frances Fitzgerald

UK

Birmingham and London – Minister for Transport, Tourism and Sport Leo Varadkar and Minister of State for Tourism and Sport Michael Ring

Glasgow & Edinburgh – Minister of State for Gaeltacht Affairs Dinny McGinley

Continental Europe

France – Minister for Finance Michael Noonan

Italy – Minister for Communications, Energy and Natural Resources Pat Rabbitte

Benelux – Minister Agriculture, Food and the Marine Simon Coveney

Germany – Minister of State at the Department of Defence and Government Chief Whip Paul Kehoe

Finland and Sweden – Minister of State for Small Business John Perry

Asia

China – Minister of State for Training and Skills Ciaran Cannon

Singapore – Minister for Public Expenditure and Reform Brendan Howlin

Australia

Australia and New Zealand – Minister for Justice and Defence Alan Shatter

Are we having a laugh, well no were not, but sending the justice minister to Australia, don’t want to mention, Australia, criminals and all that, I need somebody to still like me.

I do feel sorry for Dinny McGinley, but it’s maybe his own fault for speaking Gaelic, they thought he would do well in Glasgow, think again jimmy.

The minister for defence went to Germany, what was he going to learn there, how not to do it twice.

In defence, last year we spent 300,000 on nice trips, supposedly we gained 5,000,000. I don’t want to say it, but are you taking the piss as usual. I did it in numbers just so that the imbeciles like me can understand. Sixteen ministers are jetting off to a jolly in more favourable climes, one is going to Glasgow. Is the sight of Enda ‘I look a bit like Tin Tin’ Kenny really going to make you invest squillions in a country, only if you had a strange infatuation with small dogs.

I would love to see all that money flowing into the country, this year it’s Joe McHugh asking the Scots for money, I hope you get out alive.